Another Gayner Baby

Meet Sophie Grace Gayner.

 Born August 2, 2014 at 5:49pm

 7lb 4 oz, 19.5 inches long

15 hours of labor, which is why I look so tired - I was.

 But everyone agrees - she was worth every minute.

 The kids really...

 ...really...

 ...really...

 ...love her. Really.

 Not surprisingly, she looks just like the rest of them.

 Even Caleb is smitten, once he realized she was ours.

 A family of nine. So thankful she's ours.

 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fill his quiver with them!  Psalm 127

Right now

The world keeps turning, and life keeps happening...

Toby had his 39th birthday this week. Amazing. I remember when 39 seemed so old - just one year from 40! Now, we both still feel like a couple of kids who are playing at being grown ups. Bizarre.

Easter was lovely. 12 adults and a couple dozen children combined at our house for food, fun, and egg hunting. I did little cooking, and had a nap - loved it all.

Walking Bridge over the Ohio River

There are now 6 1/2 weeks to go until graduation. I can't believe how quickly this time has gone! It's been good, intense, fun, full. It has not, however, been normal. I'm not completely sure that the word "normal" applies in this situation, though...

I'm looking forward to the next phase of life now. Funnily enough, we're not really sure what that is. We don't yet know where we're going after graduation, but one of many good things about this season at PC is that it has made us eager for the next phase of our life. We're excited to see how God's going to use the training and investment we've had here.

Which all means we're in kind of a weird time now. Lots of getting ready without knowing what we're getting ready for. Gonna move, but don't know where. Need to start packing, but don't know where to send a moving truck. Planning school for next year - should we order now and pack the supplies, or wait until we're in a new place? And don't get me started on where this little girl is going to be born...(I'm kind of hoping in a hospital, somewhere, rather than on the side of a road).

In the crazy not-knowing, there is peace; there is faith. The wheels are turning, decisions are being made, and something will happen at just the right time. We may not know what comes next, but we know the One who does, and it's in Him (not the plan, not the ticked boxes and met deadlines) that we place all our trust.

 

A Quiet Time Thought

Mark 6:1-6, v 6 And he marveled because of their unbelief

Marvel - to wonder at

Generally, Jesus is not surprised by the world and its workings. Usually others are marveling at Him - at His words, His power, His miracles, authority and preaching. This is, perhaps, in reference to the finite mind of man that cannot comprehend the mysteries of God. But when Jesus is marveling at the unbelief of those who have known him for years, this is no compliment. Is it comparable to when one of my children do something amazingly foolish, leaving me thinking, "Did that really just happen?" I'm often not "surprised" by their foolishness, but can experience incredulity as I witness certain actions. Is this how Jesus felt - amazed, though not surprised?

In the end, he left his hometown to minister elsewhere, because their unbelief hindered Him. Though Jesus is now raised on high, unhindered by all but his own patience, I want to be cautious about being a hindrance - I'd much rather the Lord work through me, rather than in spite of me. I'm sure I give him much foolishness to marvel at, but I pray that a habit of acting out of unbelief is not one of them.

"You're WHAT?!"

Wow, I can't get away with anything! Clearly, those who know me know me pretty well indeed, because it seems that the only time I get really tired is when there's a bun in the oven...so our friends all knew that the Gayners were expecting baby number 7 without having to say much at all!
We are all very excited, though both Toby and I made the observation that we might be crazy once or twice. After all, a new baby during Toby's year of intense study was not part of the plan, but God always seems to choose better for us than we would choose for ourselves, doesn't He? Besides, being a little crazy seems to be the hallmark for our family, so why not just roll with it?
The current due date is July 27, which falls after Toby's graduation, and into that strange frame of time where there is no concrete plan. Always ready for adventure, we are - I wonder what state this kiddo will be born in?

Do the hard thing

Have you ever been faced with a decision, little or large, where you know what you ought to do but you don't really want to? I'm not referring to some great moral dilemma or anything, just really a niggling sense of needing to make a wise choice?

Recently, I had to make a decision about my phone. Since I've had a smart phone, I've always plugged it in at night on my night stand, where little fingers rarely came, where I could reach it for late night/early morning texts, use it as my alarm clock and general bedside amusement (autocorrects kill me). It's been great, but I've been noticing a trend in my phone use: alarm goes off, so I turn it off. The phone is now in my hand, so I can check email from under the covers. Then, I check to see if anything interesting has been posted on Facebook (seriously?), and maybe have a look at Pinterest. Perhaps a news story will catch my attention, so I'll take a quick look at that. At this point, I've blown at least a half an hour and have little time left for reading my Bible and praying before I hit the bike and shower.

In short, my phone has become a bedside distraction.

So, I have decided to evict my phone from my room. It now gets plugged in at my desk in the schoolroom at night, and I can pick it up in the morning. It takes some getting used to, but it's a lot easier to pick up my Bible in the morning now that my cheerful, little time-thief has been relegated to another room.

Sometimes, we just need to make the difficult decision, do the hard thing. What "ought-to" are you wrestling with right now? Whatever it is, get to it, while today is still called "today". It'll be worth it.

How it really is

I'd like to let you all in on a little secret: that homeschool family that seems to have it all together? They don't. Ask me how I know...
I think there is a simple truth that applies in almost every area of life - we only see what we are shown. To put it another way, we see what someone is willing to show us, and that's often the sweet, lovely, crafted, Photoshop-ped version of life. I do think, though, that there is a unique temptation within the homeschool community to idolize and hero-worship "that" family. Whether we actively homeschool or simply interact with homeschoolers, we need to be aware of this fact, because believing that the highlights (or gag reel) are the whole show does everyone a disservice. 
What am I talking about?

• The family who started school in July because the kids were so excited to get into their new books? Those kids still would probably rather ditch school to play in the dirt/leaves/snow/water, if given half the chance.
• The mom who taught her baby to sit quietly on her lap while she teaches her older kids? That baby still cries when she teethes, does horrendous diapers and wants to be held when there are no free hands.
• The oldest child who's a great help around the house? It took a lot of time, energy and dedication to train him, and that's still no guarantee that he will always do his best effort, every time, cheerfully.
• The husband who faithfully sends his wife out for a couple hours of alone time every week? He may still leave the toilet seat up, his socks on the couch, or forget their anniversary.
• That amazing lady who has a clean home, scrapbooks, serves in church and has great hair/nails/workouts? She works extremely hard to make it happen, probably gets help in some area, and doesn't do everything. Maybe she doesn't watch the latest TV shows, read a lot of books or get enough sleep. Anyway you slice it, she doesn't do something.

Why do I mention this? Because I think we are all so used to looking around and seeing our weaknesses and failures in someone else's strengths and successes, that we are unable to be grateful, we are unable to recognize God's working, and we are unable to bless.

Grateful - I might not scrapbook, but I'm sure thankful my mom does. She made me a scrapbook with all sorts of incredible family history in it. I couldn't have done it, and wouldn't have enjoyed it if I tried, but now I have this wonderful collection of family history to thank God for and show my children. I don't feel bad that I don't make a scrapbook for each of my children every year, but I'm grateful that my mom has those skills and passions.

God is working - Most of my kids are not self-starters and they often drive each other nuts, which makes it all the sweeter when one kid will read to the others, when one of them works extra hard at an assignment, or when one chooses to share with or encourage another. God is at work in their lives, even if it's not always obvious, because He loves them.

Be a blessing - When I've looked at my friends with eyes of envy, I've failed to notice where they may be in need. Maybe the hard work of child training is discouraging, maybe she's exhausted from another sleepless night, or maybe, just maybe, she's simply needing to hear how much God loves her and that you'll be praying for her. Wouldn't you like to hear that, too?

Rather than spending my time thinking about how someone else's life looks and how mine doesn't quite measure up, I want to spend more time thanking God for the grace in their lives, looking for the grace in my own family's life, and seeing how God would have us serve and bless those around us. Cause no one's got it all together this side of Glory, and I don't want to miss all He's doing right here, right now.

Home again

Well, our trip to Orlando was a joy, and I'm so thankful we were able to go! A great resort, beautiful weather and a soul-encouraging conference over three days - fabulous.

To listen or read the transcripts of some of the messages, visit the Plant & Build blog. It would be time well spent.

It was also a joy for us to meet with some of the folks from our Maryland church, as well as meet some new faces. There are a couple of churches in New England that are very interested in seeing more churches planted in that area, so Toby and I got to talk to them and hear their vision for what God is doing in that part of the country. Of course, anyone you talk to is excited to tell you about how wonderful their area is and how they'd love to see God's kingdom advance there, but we were surprised to learn how few Sovereign Grace churches exist in New England - there are 2 in Massachusetts, and that. is. it.

So, we're continuing to pray and consider how God will direct us when Pastor's College is complete. We are tentatively considering visiting one of the Mass. churches over the Christmas break to get a feel for the place and the people, but there are no done deals as yet. At the moment, we're praying and working and studying (well, Toby's studying), seeking to make the most of the year we have here in Louisville.

Please to pray for God's direction and guidance for our family, both this year and all the adventures that are yet to come!

Old Pop

Last Saturday, we received news that Toby's paternal grandfather, Pop, had passed away.
This was not unexpected - he was 96 years old and shutting down. We had even had a conversation with Toby's dad earlier in the day about how Pop was no longer eating or drinking or even really conscious. So, though we were expecting it, there is still a sadness and finality that comes with it.

Unfortunately, the kids didn't really know "Old Pop" (to distinguish from "Pop", which is Toby's dad) very well. Some of the kids had never met him at all, whereas others haven't really seen him in years. In fact, I think Ellie got confused about who we were talking about and started sobbing - it took some time to confirm that everyone she knew was alive and well, and she didn't know the man we were talking about.

The way our family works through grief is to tell stories, so the kids enjoyed hearing some stories about this man who lived through so many interesting times and places. The kids' favorite was the story about when a lion at the zoo cocked its leg and peed all over Pop's trousers. What kid wouldn't love a story about an adult getting peed on?

If you're so inclined, keep the Gayner family in your prayers. While my kids may not remember, there are many others who do, many who will miss him. We continue to take comfort in the Word:

Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning   Psalm 30:5b

The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel.  He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names.
Psalm 147:2-4

Learning the humble

It was kind of a rough week, last week. You ever have one of  those weeks, the kind that seem to be a big dose of humility fertilizer? For instance:

• I did something to my back - not really bad, but bad enough to bring me up short when I twist or bend, enough to be a regular niggle.
• We've had teething kids, and with teething kids comes clinginess and horrible diaper experiences. Fun for the whole family.
• One night, I started to walk down to the basement, but somehow manage to slide halfway down on my butt, gaining a few colorful new bruises along the way. It was mainly funny, but rather painful. Every time I thought about the painful, I could just picture how funny I must have looked, surfing down the stairs, and I got the giggles again. It was so loud, too, that Abi came running downstairs to see what had happened. It's a rather humbling to have your 11-year-old escort you to bed.
• I somehow manage to overfill the reservoir in the coffee pot, not a few drops, but so that it overflows all over the counter. At this point, there was nothing else for it but to laugh. And mop up.

It's good to be reminded that I am I finite person with questionable depth perception and a tendency toward colorful bruises; it helps keep my tendency toward smugness in check. Here's hoping some of my ongoing lessons in humility are a little less painful this week.

My job

 Chalk-art modeling. Cute candids. Photo bomber.

My children.

 

These kids? They are my job.
Obviously, in every job, there are parts that we love and are passionate about (I hope). Likewise, there are parts of our job we are less enamored with. The same applies to being a mom. I love the hugs, the laughs, the snuggles, the warm baby-breath and sweet-skin smell. I love teaching them new things and seeing them "get it", hearing their prayers and seeing how their creativity expresses itself.
I gotta be honest, though - there are a few things I don't love. I'm not terribly fond of the diapers (that I've been changing for more than a decade, now), I don't care for the endless questions and invasion of my headspace, and I can't stand the temper tantrums (mine or theirs).
For a long time, I've focused on the parts of my job that I didn't like and have the tendency to moan and complain about them. But you know, the real professionals that love and excel at their jobs, they don't do that. They approach their jobs with passion and joy, determined to do their best and seek to grow in the need-improvement areas. I want to do that - I want to parent like a pro.
There is one difference, though - even the pros get to go home at the end of the day. If you've made motherhood your job (and if you have a child, you have), whether you work outside the home or you're home all day, you don't get to leave your job. There's no checking out, calling in sick or taking a break. Whether you get away for a night on your own or are holed up in the local coffee bar for a couple hours, you are always a mom, always on call. So, how do you maintain passion, enthusiasm, and joy in a 24/7/365 job?
You soak in the gospel. Seriously. For some church folks, this can sound like a cliché, but it's the total truth, because as soon as you get distracted from the knowledge that you are a sinner in need of a Savior, you'll either slide toward self-sufficiency or despair. Both are just rocky cliffs with nothing good at the bottom.
You connect. The smartest people are those who know they don't know everything, so they have people speak into their lives, both to encourage and correct. The Bible calls this fellowship, and whoever you are, you need it. And don't be tempted to think that gossiping with a "co-worker" about your crazy "subordinates" is what we're talking about here - fellowship means being open and honest about your struggles and being willing to ask for help, prayer and counsel. It also means celebrating joys and triumphs with those who really care that little Johnny just peed on the potty, 'cause man, that's huge.
You remember that "one day" is coming. I know it seems like "retirement" will never come, that the kids will never sleep through the night and these tantrums (from toddler or teenager) will never change, but I'll wager that before you (and I) know it, they'll be calling us and asking what to do with their own kids' tantrums and 'tudes. And when it seems like fruit is slow to grow, remember the gardener that faithfully and lovingly tends his tender plants - not to get fruit right then, but in its due season. For we harvest more than we sow, later than we sow.

They are my job, these kids. I want to parent them like a pro.

Breathing

We've lived in Louisville for a whole month, now, and this month has gone pretty quickly. The days are so full, delightfully full. One thing that Toby and I have noticed is how, in spite of how much reading and studying he's doing and how busy I've been in keeping on top of school, house, and life in general, our time seems much freer than it had done. Because we are here for the sole purpose of attending the PC, our time and purpose here is rather singular-focused. We don't have the same level of commitments in so many different areas - we're not spinning so many plates. It's been like a deep intake of breath - very refreshing.
Of course, this is for a finite period of time, as it should be. A singularly focused season of life is for a purpose and is rather intense. Just as it's good to have a break from the norm for a while, you can't live on a vacation schedule, nor would it be good to do so. This season isn't exactly a vacation, but I do think it's been a break that God is using to teach us, grow us, and make us ready for the next thing He's got planned for us, whatever that may be.
The whole point of taking a deep, cleansing breath is to let it out as you move into a new thing. My prayer for our family and those of the other PC families is not that we would breathe in this time of grace for our own comfort, but that we would be preparing to breathe out God's praise both now and in all the "nexts" He's got planned for us.

Knowing His Name

On Sunday, we sung a song that was fairly new to me, The Gospel Was Promised. It's speaks of how the coming of Jesus was foretold in Old Testament, and what His coming accomplished for us.
As I sang with Caleb in my arms, I whispered the words in his ear:

 

His name is Jesus,

His name is Jesus,

His name is Jesus Christ, our Lord.

 

 More than anything else I want for my children - more than success or happiness or their dreams come true - I want them to know Jesus. I want them to love Him, to cherish Him, to follow Him. As their mom, it's my job, my responsibility, and my privilege to tell them. To tell them who Jesus is, to tell them what He's done for me and what He's done for them. I need to tell them about Jesus when all's well with the world, and I need to tell them about Him when nothing is going right and the world seems against them. I need to tell my 11-year old that He loves her and can help her through her every trial, and I need to tell my 1-year old about this name which is worth more than any riches.

So, maybe it's a little silly, singing this song into my baby's ear. But I'll do whatever it takes to make sure my kids know and love this name. Because it's all about Him.



36

I am now a 36 year old. Riveting.
My birthday on Friday was a nice, low key kind of day. The kids were moderately disappointed, though not really surprised, to find that Teacher's birthday does not equate to a day off. I never claimed to be the fun parent.
We did establish a cut off time for schoolwork, though, and then headed out for pizza for dinner. A fun little place called BoomBozz, with great pizza and a waiter that will never "turn pro". Afterward, we did some exploring. We headed out to one of the local malls to see what was there. After driving all around the St Matthews Mall to find the main entrance, we settled for entering through Forever 21 (it was either that or Victoria's Secret. ahem). I think Toby held his breath the whole way through the store - we're not exactly department store, and this was not exactly a department store...still. I think it's safe to say that we are no longer "forever 21".
They did have some other good stores - I was excited to see a J.Jill and Godiva chocolate. :) I'm looking forward to going back another time, preferably without children that play in the fountains.
On Saturday Abigail spent some time in the kitchen, baking some delicious key lime cupcakes that made up my birthday cake. She did it all herself, from beginning to end. I was very grateful - she did a great job, I got a birthday cake that I didn't bake myself, and I'm seeing more and more independence in the kitchen, which is really exciting. If only there was as much enthusiasm to clean up after the mess...
36 used to seem terribly old to me. Now, of course, I still feel like a girl playing at being grown up. Never mind that I have 6 children, one of whom is now a "tween" - I'm still feel like a kid. Except when I wake up at 6am. Then I feel like I'm every inch of 36...
One thing that hasn't changed is seeing God's kindness and faithfulness to me over each of my 36 years. It's God's grace that brought me to the Gospel, kindness that enabled me to meet my husband, and faithfulness that has carried me through 2 countries, 4 houses, and 6 children. It's this grace, kindness and faithfulness that will continue to meet the needs of the year ahead and, Lord willing, the next 36, wherever they may take me.

All the newness

I'd forgotten about the "newness", which is strange, since I was looking forward to the "newness", to some extent.

For quite a long time - almost 6 years, to be exact - my three girls have shared a room. A few months ago, when Caleb outgrew the bassinet (and I outgrew my need to have him in my room), he joined them. So, four kids in a room. It worked, but it wasn't without it's issues.

I was looking forward to the newness of dividing the girls & Caleb between two rooms.

Also, there was the fact that the old house was a split foyer. If you've never seen one of these, it means that when you open the front door, you are greeted with stairs up and stairs down, and you make a decision (not quite as dramatic as the red pill or the blue pill). For us, the main living areas (kitchen, living room, dining room) and the bedrooms were all upstairs. Factor in half a dozen noisy (and nosy) children and acoustics that carry sound all over the place...you get the picture.

I was looking forward to the newness of living in a house that had the traditional bedrooms-up-living-areas-down thing.

And don't get me wrong - I love those new things. But there are other new things that take getting used to...

• the oven is smaller - my larger cookie sheets no longer fit
• there is less counter space - I can no longer plate food from the kitchen quite so easily
• there is no fan in the bathroom to cope with a certain child's long hot showers
• the "squeaky step" has become a squeaky doorway. My doorway.

All these little things - and they are terribly minor - mean adjustments. Seeing the new normal. Adapting. Being thankful for the new blessings that come with a new place while appreciating again the things that worked so well in the old. So when I am tempted to compare the new with the nostalgia, I can remember that God Himself does new things - and each of His new things is a new adventure.

As the dust settles...

Well, we're in.

Due to the help of many amazing friends, we were able to get the moving truck packed in good time and still make a final run to our favorite ice cream place.

Our plan was to leave first thing in the morning on the 30th, but "first thing" became more like 10:30am, with all the last little things we kept finding to pack up. Still, we managed to get on the road and had a great, albeit long, drive to Charleston, WV, where we stayed for a couple of nights to break up the trip. We stayed at the Best Western in town, visited the West Virginia State Museum, which I would highly recommend, if you're ever in the area - it was so well done, very interesting, and free to boot - swam in the hotel pool and got some chill time.

On Sunday, we set of for the final leg of our journey which went pretty uneventfully. We arrived mid afternoon, met the landlord and had a look around the house - it's a great place! At some point, I plan on posting some photos, but for now, you'll have to take my word for it.
We had planned on spending two nights in the house before our moving truck arrived, since they don't deliver (or pick up) moving trucks on weekends or holidays. We planned accordingly with spare clothes, blow up beds and sleeping bags, anticipating the truck's arrival sometime Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday morning, however, we got word that the truck had been delayed for some reason, and it should arrive on Wednesday. Disappointing, but the delay meant that Toby was able to look for, find, and bring home a new (from Craigslist) washer and dryer to keep us in clean clothes.

On Wednesday, however, we found out that, due to a clerical error, our truck never left Baltimore and wouldn't arrive until Friday. So not my plan! In the meantime, we did get our Internet connection, our YMCA membership, and a meet & greet with the other PC students and their families, which was such a blessing.

Friday felt a long time in coming, but when it finally rolled around, our moving truck came with it! As soon as that thing turned up, everyone in the house cheered!! It took us 3 days to pack and, thanks to lots of help (again!), about 6 hours to unpack. By Friday night, we all had beds to sleep in, a couch to sit on and a dining table to eat at! So much happiness.

It's now Sunday, and things are taking shape. We have most of the rooms set up as we'd like them, with a few boxes still to sort through. I'd say we're currently macro organized, and this week we'll work on getting micro organized, before school (for Toby and the kids) begins on September 16.

As always, there were definitely things God showed me through some of our difficulties this last week. He's shown me that I am naturally impatient and controlling, wanting things when and how I want them. He's also shown me how faithful and redemptive He is. For instance, if the truck had arrived when it was supposed to, Toby wouldn't have been able to pick up the washer and dryer. We also would have missed being very blessed and cared for by our neighbors, who provided our family with two meals, some temporary tables and chairs to eat at, and an open-door whatever-you-need offer. So much goodness.

And so begins a new year, and new adventure for the Gayner clan. We're preferring the word "adventure" this year, since all the best adventures aren't the smooth and easy ones (though I do like smooth and easy!), but they are the exciting ones and make for the best stories. We are unsure of all God has in store for us this year, but we know Him. And He is good.

How it's going...

In a word, it's bedlam.
I use that word because:

• I'm packing a house with six children in it.
• We are doing our best to catch up with people - so many people we love and will miss and want to get with one more time.
• Toby is working on his pre-course work (or trying to), alongside continuing to work full-time (one more week!), pack a house with six children in it and catch up with people.
• We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary and Noah's 7th birthday, while 2 children spent the day on the couch with fevers.
• We are trying to figure out what we can pack and what needs to stay within reach - I accidentally packed all of our microwavable bowls. Whoops.
• I lost my credit card. Thankfully, it wasn't stolen. Replacement on the way.
• We are still showing the house. Fortunately, we think we have some tenants, but until the lease is signed, the house keeps showing. It is easier to keep it clean with less junk around...
• The logistics are messy, or perhaps it's just my memory that's messy. I keep remembering who needs what furniture and to make a date with that person and send the kids to that house and the hundreds of other details that go into a long-distance move, but when it's time to get it all down and make a plan, the thoughts run and hide, much like my children at a playground.

 Having said all that, it's also going well. Really:

• We've been doing a little at a time for most of the summer, which has helped a lot.
• We've been the grateful recipients of a lot of help, from child care to packing and cleaning, with promises of continued help, right up to packing the moving truck.
• We have been encouraged and prayed for, which is huge.
• All the "to-do"s are getting done, one thing at a time.
• The kids have been enjoying getting with their friends and celebrating what will probably be their last birthdays in Maryland.
• They are also more excited about the adventure than sad about leaving, which is much how their parents feel.

I am anticipating the next couple of weeks to continue this roller-coaster pattern, as we tie up loose ends. But you know, that's okay. I'd be a fool if I expected this stuff to be easy - God doesn't promise me that. Here's what He does promise, what I'm placing my hope in:

 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

 Psalm 27:1

 



Getting lost and found

A few weeks ago, a friend and I took our kids for a hike. We'd both been to the area before and felt we knew it well enough - we were trying to pay attention to the trail codes and everything. Somehow, though, we got off track. I'm still not sure where exactly we went wrong, but it was bad. We had been scrambling over fallen trees and large rocks, coaxing the little ones along and sliding down steep slopes. We didn't think we'd be gone long, so we left our water bottles in the cars, and every one of us was tired and soaked in sweat.

When we finally came to a place where I thought we'd be getting back on track, a rather grumpy woman came out to inform us we were trespassing on private property, we were nowhere near where we wanted to be, and the only way to get back was to go right back down to the dangerous and tiresome scrambling we had just fought our way out of.

I don't think I was the only one who wanted to cry.

By God's mercy, I decided to get my phone out, checked where we were on google maps, and set a course for where we wanted to be. It took a while, everyone was tired, hungry and hot, but we made it through (without actual tears, which was amazing, I tell you).

The interesting thing I learned, though, is how I didn't actually realize how lost I was until our cheerless messenger let us know how off course we really were. If she hadn't of informed us of this brutal truth, we probably would have continued on, hopefully thinking we were just around the bend from where we wanted to be. However, once I realized how bad the situation was, I turned to the map that would show me the way. It wasn't an easy route out, but we had confidence that we were headed in the right direction.

It made me think how often I can be tempted to bumble along in life, never realizing how a couple of foolish decisions or a failure to pay attention can lead me down a path that leads to nowhere. Sometimes, while we're haplessly wandering, Providence will send a warning our way - someone or something that reveals our true situation. No one likes to hear they're lost, but until they accept that they are in pretty bad shape, they have no hope of charting a new course. Likewise, unless someone tells me I've wronged them, or shows me where I've neglected my responsibilities, or is prepared to confront me with my sin, it's unlikely that I would the need to fix what I didn't know was broken.

I would recommend a caveat, though. We are to speak in love, out of a desire to restore, rather than condemn or punish. When this woman came to drive us off her property, she seemed more offended that we disturbed her, and less concerned that we were lost. (Threatening 2 women and 10 kids with a couple of attack dogs didn't help.) As believers, however, we should be more concerned with our brother or sister's good than with "setting them straight".

Has there been a time when you had to deliver or receive the "hard message"? How did it go? 

The next (uncomfortable) adventure

It's been more than 5 years, now, since my husband has started exploring whether he might be called to pastoral ministry. I still remember the morning God got his attention through Ecclesiastes 3:11:

 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

 

Over these last 5 years, God has provided opportunities for Toby to preach, lead a care group, serve in children's ministry and various other capacities, and even work a 4-day week to spend one day each week at church, serving on the leadership team.

 

Earlier this year, Toby was invited to apply to the Sovereign Grace Pastor's College in Louisville, Kentucky. His application, complete with recommendations for our pastors, was accepted last month.

 

And now, it's time for the next step on this crazy adventure.

 

This September, we'll be packing up the clan, renting out the house, and heading southwest. It's going to be difficult to say good-bye to friends, neighbors, and family, but we are in faith for all God has called us to.

 

Interestingly enough, we don't know what that is yet. We are excited by the prospect of being involved in a church plant, but we're not totally sure where that will be. There are, currently, no fixed plans after June.

 

Through all of this, we have seen and continue to see God's guidance and provision for us. Though we are "going, not knowing", we know the One whom we serve and that is enough for us. We would covet your prayers, however:

• that we would find a family to rent our home (we have already organized a home to rent in KY)
• that all the moving details would come together
• to coin a phrase, to "make new friends and keep the old"
• for the kids to adjust to new...everything
• for Toby's step back into full-time study, after more than 15 years of the working world
• for a church to serve at the end of college
• for wise financial stewardship during a year of no income

 In all these things, we are trusting God and His faithfulness. In all these things, too, we are out of our comfort zone. Yet, Hebrews 13:12-14 encourages each of us:

So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood.  Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured.  For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

While it would be easy and pleasant for us to continue to carry on as always, we feel that Jesus is calling us to step outside the safety of the camp and join Him in what He is doing. We know that we are safest where He is, wherever that might be, and we're excited to be involved in His kingdom-building mission.

Motherhood

It's hard stuff, this "mom" gig. The more kids I have, the more I realize how much I have to learn - that "having half a dozen theories and no kids to half a dozen kids and no theories" scenario.

One thing that's clear - kids change you:

• they show me my sin, and they're really only scratching the surface of it!
• they've made me braver
• they've made me learn to not care what others think so much
• they've made me tired - really tired
• they've made me wish I paid better attention in school
• they've made me realize I wasn't such a bad (little) kid after all
• they've made me want to apologize for my teenage years
• they've made me pray

I can be thankful, though, that I'm not the same impulsive, spoiled, selfish brat I used to be (of course, my sin is still there, it's just a little more sophisticated at times), and that God has used my kids to help me grow in Christ-likeness.
I am also thankful that on the days when everything seems to be changing at once (or when I'm sure I'll never see the change I want!), God is faithful:

...let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:22-23

 

A brand new smile

See that girl there, on the right? The one with more teeth than mouth?

Well, almost a year and a half ago, she had braces put on. Not that they diminished her beauty one little bit, oh no.

But today was a big day - she was very excited...

...to have them all come off!

I am so proud of her - through all the stuff she couldn't eat, through having to wear the awful head gear, through poking wires and discomfort, she never complained or made a fuss.

 

She's really grown in humility, patience and trust in her God through this past year or so, and I am so grateful - grateful for medicine, grateful for growth in her life, and grateful to the God who loves her so much. Grateful to see her love and thankfulness for the Savior increasing each day.