Just say no

If I ever invite you out for lunch, just say no. Otherwise, some or all of the following may occur:

• I'll arrange to meet you at a great ice cream place that happens to be closed on the day we go.
• You're a good sport and up for an adventure, so we go (with all 7 children between us, by the way), to a local Mexican joint.
• As soon as we get our food (10 mins apart because of the huge line that's suddenly turned up), I realize that Daniel's had "an accident". A big one.
• Kindly, you don't comment on how gross it is that I'm now eating with one hand while the other hand covers the yucky patch on Dan's leg - you have excellent manners.
• You have to listen to all the "having your hands full" comments, with great grace and a light heart, not to mention the well-meaning fellow who's trying to wrangle you some ill-gotten free food.
• After I take Noah to the bathroom, you make a mental note to wait until you get home to use the facilities, since Noah experienced some "aiming malfunctions".
• Finally, when you're almost ready and in the car, you will (briefly) misplace your keys.

So, unless you are my sweet friend Kate or another similarly adventurous spirit, don't come out to lunch with me. I'll totally understand.